The Brian Kinney Cliff
by makodreamafar
Summary: Summary: Brian Kinney keeps pushing people off of his cliff. Justin keeps coming back up it. Post 513 Written for the Moment of Truth Prompt by  alicesprings


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N There is a companion fic to this called Standing on the Ledge

Most people thought Brian Kinney was a selfish prick. Most people thought Brian Kinney was a shameless stud. Most people thought Brian Kinney was an asshole. They were right on two of those accounts. Brian Kinney was most certainly a stud and he was defiantly an asshole, he wasn't however, despite appearances, a selfish prick. Brian would give anything for his friends. He would give anything to protect the things that mattered to him and despite what most people believed, he would offer someone a hand to get up…as long as no one was looking that is.

Brian was cruel in his kindness, sometimes brutally so. He would leave a path of destruction and bodies behind him, but in the end it was always for some greater purpose. Debbie had dubbed his method "The Brian Kinney Cliff" and although it left him bleeding emotionally he would shove people off of it, for what he considered to be their own good. He'd done it with Michael at the man's birthday party. He'd shoved him hard and watched as the man burned and fell.

Brian had then drowned himself in alcohol, overrunning his blood levels with deeply concentrated liquor. Justin had stood by his side. That stupid blond twink had stood by him while everyone else told him he was an asshole and left. Justin he had just stood there though and stated that he wasn't leaving. Brian wanted to curse him and kiss him.

Justin terrified him. The blond made his gut clench and cold sweats break out onto his skin because he was onto him. The artist could see when he was killing himself for the sake of one of his friends; he could see the things that Brian did behind the scenes to make everyone's life better. He saw things that no one was supposed to see. For once in his life Brian felt like his walls had no effect. He had spent most of his life trapped behind an impenetrable shell, safe from other people seeing the real him, safe from people getting to close. Justin had slipped beneath them like they didn't exist. The blond had wrapped his arms around him when he felt like his life was falling apart and then never brought it up. He had tucked Brian into bed when the older man had been to drunk to even remember his name properly. Justin was there-he was always there.

So Brian had shoved him off the cliff, had driven him into the arms of the fiddler. He'd watched as Justin left him. Brian had pretended that it didn't bother him because as long as Justin was happy that was all that mattered.

Brian knew he was fucked up. He would never be able to give Justin the things he wanted. He would never be able to be all that the other male wanted-needed. He'd shoved and Justin had fallen-that wasn't the end though. Justin had crawled his way back up the cliff, battered and bruised he had shoved Brian right back and Brian couldn't stop his own stumble. He had taken Justin back, had held onto him because the blond had shoved him, had kissed him. He had broken Brian's resolve.

Justin kept doing it. He kept pushing back at Brian, shoving him, telling him in no uncertain terms that Brian couldn't make him leave. When Brian had been sick with the chemo treatments Justin had helped him. He had told Brian that he couldn't push him away, that he wasn't going anywhere…Brian was tired of fighting him. He was so tired of trying to shove Justin off the cliff only to be pushed back. It wasn't something that he was used to.

When Justin had left that final time, when he had finally had enough, Brian felt as if he was breaking. He felt as if his walls were being ripped from him. So he had done the only thing he could think of, he got drunk and threw a fit. He didn't know how to fight to get someone back, because he had only ever shoved people away. Justin was always the one that came back. He was always the one who realized their mistakes and shoved his way back into Brian's life, into the place that was his. Justin wasn't shoving this time though. Justin wasn't fighting for Brian. Justin had left him and Brian didn't know how to get him back. He'd seen him. He had talked to him. But he could never ask him the question that was burning in his gut, please come home.

That was until the bombing. When Brian had heard about it on the radio the only thing he was able to think was "Oh God, please not him." He couldn't lose him, he couldn't be without him. He couldn't let Justin die. He had felt like Justin was bleeding on the cold cement again. He had felt like there was blood soaking through his shirt, covering his hands, trickling on his face. When he had finally gotten Justin into his arms, he had whispered the words that Justin had longed to hear for five long years. He had told Justin that he loved him.

Brian was determined to keep Justin, he was determined to have everything that he had wanted but had told himself he didn't. He asked Justin to marry him. He begged Justin to marry him, because he couldn't risk the chance that one of them would die and he would never be able to experience that moment of happiness that he thought he didn't deserve. The moment of happiness that he craved almost as badly as he craved the taste of Justin's mouth, the scent of his hair, the softness of his skin.

There was one problem though-Brian wasn't selfish. What he wanted more than his own happiness was Justin's. Justin could survive without him-he had done it before. When Lindsey had shoved the article proclaiming Justin's brilliance to him, then said that the blond would never meet his potential unless he left. Brian knew what he had to do. Brian had to shove him off the cliff, only he had to do it in a way that insured Justin didn't know what Brian was doing.

Justin had always said that he didn't want Brian to change for him-so that's what Brian did. He made it appear as if he was someone different. It was small things at first. He slowly backed Justin up to the edge of the cliff, slowly guiding him so that Justin would never suspect. Then when the blond was perched on the edge he shoved. It had been so easy and it was the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. The words were simple and slipped from his lips; they had made Justin believe that he was changing completely for him. The mention of cuddling instead of fucking had made Justin believe that the man that he fell in love with wasn't there anymore.

From there Brian had let the pieces fall into place. He watched as Justin slowly drifted to the bottom of the ravine; falling so slowly that Justin didn't even realize what was happening. Brian knew though which is what brought him to his current position.

Brian's back pushed against the white fabric of the couch, a bottle of liquor in his hand as he stared at the glass table and the two platinum rings tucked safely into black velvet. They glinted softly in the light, the sun's rays filtering into his loft. Fucking sunshine, Brian wished for the night. He took another swig from the bottle in his hand and glanced across his empty palace. The King of Liberty Avenue, what a joke. He was pretty sure that he was the witch waiting to be burned at the stake and if he wasn't-well he was willing to volunteer his services. A harsh chuckle slipped from his lips and Brian let his head roll back his eyes turned toward the ceiling before they closed. Here he was in his self imposed exile, it reminded him of a time when he had lost everything besides Justin-now he had everything besides him. Brian preferred the former to the latter.

"Congratulations Kinney now you really have lost everything. You've succeeded. You've pushed away the only person that put up with you, the only person that loved you despite all the shit you put him through." Brian brought the bottle up again the alcohol slipping between his lips and down his throat with ease. Great he was talking to himself. Fuck. He loved Justin; he would go on loving him even after he was gone.

Lifting the bottle to his lips he took another swig some of the fluid slipping from his mouth to burn his chin. The entire family had warned Justin away from him. They had told Justin that Brian would never love him, that he would break his heart. No one had warned Brian that he would break his own heart. Mel didn't even believe he had a heart. Another chuckle slipped from his lips before laughter erupted. Deep and booming he laughed in choked pants. It was a dark laughter, a laughter filled with pain. It burned at Brian's throat and he felt as if he was going to be sick. It was then that he realized he wasn't laughing anymore. He was sobbing. Tears were burning their way down his cheeks and his mouth was open slightly. The sobs wracked his body, his hand trembling on the bottle of JB.

God he wanted someone to save him from this. From this pain that was radiating from his chest. He was always saving everyone. Rage the great superhero, rushing in when all hope was lost. What happened when Rage was the one that needed saving? What happened when Rage lost all of his superpowers and became just a man? What happened when Rage destroyed the bond between himself and JT? What did the superhero have left besides an empty city and a cold bed?

A hand cupped his face and Brian's eyes snapped open meeting blue. What? Brian's head rolled up and the blue followed. A thumb was running over his cheekbone now, slipping across drying tear marks. Brian wondered if he was finally losing his mind, because those eyes only belonged to one person and that person was on a plane to New York. The other occupant of the room didn't speak; he just ran his thumb over Brian's jaw. He noted the smell of alcohol and the salty recesses of tears on the Brian's cheeks. They were both silent, the air between them heavy. "Just-," a finger was pushed to Brian's lips stopping him from speaking.

Justin reached toward the table picking up the small box that held their rings looking at them closely before slipping them from their beds. The blond licked his lips then and slipped the smaller of the two bands onto his finger before lifting Brian's hand so that they both could see it. Justin pushed the ring down onto the mans finger and smiled, "I'm onto you Brian Kinney."

The cliff that Brian threw people from was staring him back in the face and in a moment of truth he didn't push, he just stood there Justin standing beside him.

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